Emily's birth story (a cautionary tale), part 2

We arrived at Summit around 9 pm.  We knew where the LDR rooms were but we were surprised to find the entrance nearest to them closed.  Luckily a security guard took pity on big ol suffering me and let us in.  When we got to the LDR check in, they told us we should have entered through the ER, but it was fine and we were checked into room 203 anyway.  (I had pre-registered so there wasn't much to do, thankfully.)

The nurse came in and got me in the gown, took my vitals, then checked me.  Not dilated or effaced.  At all.  So, she suggested walking the halls for the next hour or so - then they'd check me again and see where I was at.  I think all the family had arrived by then, so I was able to give everyone a quick hi before hubby and I walked.  Honestly I don't remember all the details - I was in too much freaking pain.  All I remember is walking slow-ish through the center circle of the nurses station and down all the offsetting hallways - into the waiting room a few times to give the family a thrill (HA).  We'd have to stop every 2-3 minutes so I could hang on Chas' neck, "breathe" (note:  this does not help.  It just attempts to make you focus on something else while trying to forget that someone is putting your insides through a wringer.  I call bullshit) and make it through the contraction.  The only other thing I clearly remember from this point in time is telling Chas that I could not understand why women ever actually chose to repeat this process.  Do they not remember the pain or were they in some kind of  bullshit denial pg lady/earth mother haze to try and sucker unsuspecting women (new mothers) to this hell? 

After an hour of this, we roll me back into bed and wait to be checked again by Nurse Ratched and told I was indeed about to have a baby.   Of course, the bitch arrives and tells me not only am I still not dilated at all, there's been really no sign of 'action' at all.  So, she says - 'We're going to send you home'.  Uh - excuse me, but - whuck??!?!?!?  I know I was all out of whack and ready to bust a cap in somebody's ass if they didn't get this baby out of me pronto - but really?  Contractions 3-4 minutes apart and you're sending me home????  Thankfully even my own mother questioned the voracity of this but it was to no avail.  That's why she's Nurse Ratched.  In reality, she was probably a really nice lady, but she was the big ol N.R. to me.

I stupidly agreed to wait around for a 'pain shot' which really equaled 'colossal waste of time', and asked her how in the hell I was supposed to know when to come back.  "When you're screaming the walls down in pain."  Hello, witch, I passed that about 3 hours ago, thanks very much.  I seriously do not remember the drive home.  I sit here and try to recollect it today - it's gone.  I DO remember it was right around 1 am when I climbed on top of the covers of our bed.  Thankfully I was with it enough to realize I probably shouldn't get IN bed.  Darling husband was too wired up to sleep so he sat up doing god knows what.  I just remember the dog laying there with me and me wanting to punch someone hard every 2 minutes or so.  Rest, my ass.

Then, around 4:25 am, the house went quiet as Chas now decided he'd lay on the couch and try to catch a few winks.  Not even 5 minutes later, a contraction started and I recall feeling a 'pop' and then warmth.  I may be a dumb new mother but I knew that meant my water had broken.   So much for sleep, honey.  Now allow me to square up and kick you in the junk so you know how bad I feel.

I will spare you the tale of what the hell do you do when you're excreting vast amounts of fluid while trying to call friends/family at the crack ass of dawn AND watch hubby try and salvage what was left of your once clean bed.  Family was awakened and we were set.  Suffice it to say I was freaked out, and had no idea how I wasn't going to ruin the car seat.  I vaguely recall hubby putting down towels and a waterproof crib sheet on the seat before we rolled out, back towards Summit Hospital.  It was on THIS journey that we traveled at 100 mph.